Merry Christmas (yesterday)! Here is this week’s Wake Up Call– hopefully you’re reading this from home in your jammies, still full from Christmas goodies.
Me: What does PHAT stand for? Is it an acronym? Polar, hot-ass, titties?
Husband: Pretty hot and tempting, Bex.
Me: Oh yeah, I feel like I knew that.
Grandma: Ice in your wine?
Me: Yes, Grandma, I’m a classy lady!
Grandma: That’s amateur…
Me: I’m taking over pinching and poking, since my cousin obviously doesn’t know how.
Cousin: Yeah I do! *Points at son and winks*
“My sister is beautiful inside and out.” -Rachel, on a date.
Discussing “The Freebie List”* with my husband:
Me: Eddie Redmayne is officially on my list.
Husband: What if you met Eddie Redmayne in real life? Would you actually have sex with him?
Me: No! But I’d let him kiss me.
Me: On my lips. My mouth lips.
Husband: Ok, you can kiss Eddie Redmayne.
Me: Ok, you can motorboat Emily Blunt. Or Penelope Cruz.
Husband: No, not Penelope Cruz.
Me: I thought you loved her!
Husband: Yeah but she is almost 50.
Me: Someday I will almost be 50!
Husband: Yeah, but I will also be that age.
*If you do not know what The Freebie List is please watch Friends Season 3, Episode 5.
Sister: I was just parting my hair and a piece was on the wrong side, and this was my exact thought: You belong over there [other side of the part] my little butterfly.
And for the finale, this group text gem from Mexico (which may only be funny to people who were there, so I apologize):
That’s all for now! Stay tuned for some actual writing this week. 😉