Happy Monday! This week’s wake up call is being posted from sunny, beautiful Punta Cana! Cheers!
“He was such a dork… you just kept getting weirder and weirder, and then when the cat came, I knew I had to like him.”
-Friend, about Husband
Me: When have I ever played it cool?
Husband: Never. Not once.
“Do you feel like your [Kentucky Derby] hat is an invisibility cloak? ‘Cause I do.”
–Sister, with creepy smile
Alone in an Uber on my way home one night, I found myself making small talk with the driver:
Me: We just got back from Mexico, actually. I got married there.
Driver: I used to be a dancer there.
Me: Like at a resort? Cool!
Driver: No like at a club.. you know?
Me: Oh my God, like a stripper?!
Driver: Yes. Would you like to take my phone number?
Me: Oh, no! I don’t think my husband would appreciate that.
Driver: You can give it to your friends.
Me: No, really, that’s ok. *in my head* Oh my God. Get me out of this car.
*Texting my girlfriends* MY UBER DRIVER WAS A STRIPPER IN MEXICO!!!
Text from Friend: How do you know this??
Husband holding a brand new baby:
Looks up, smiles, “She’s holding my thumb!”
Baby sticks her arm out of the blanket.
Eyes wide open, looking around for mom, “I think she’s hot in this blanket!”
At the Shedd Aquarium with some girlfriends, watching the penguins. Most of them are snoozing, or standing around. But there is one lone penguin swimming back and forth in the water, seemingly showing off for the spectators.
“That one is definitely Becca!”
(We named her LaTonya. She was magnificent.)
Me: Do you wanna go to the Roosey fight at Katy and Martin’s on Friday?
Husband: (Laughing) Roosey? If you mean Rousey, sure. I don’t know who the f Roosey is.
Me: Whatever, you knew what I meant.
“I didn’t do anything consistently for a year, except breathe.”