Wake Up Call #4

This is a tough Monday for me and many other teachers out there. Back to school today after winter break!


But please don’t be one of these people:


Or I’ll start ranting and raving about being a teacher, and you’ll say, “Oh, she’s an angry teacher.” K. Thanks.

So, I think we all need a good chuckle. You can make it through today! 🙂


Looking back, this wake up call is a little dirty. Enjoy. If you’re easily offended or don’t find sex or poop funny, maybe skip this one.


Me: Can I try your Man Balm*?

Husband: Yeah! I like it ’cause it’s minty. Put a couple layers on!

*Husband got his own chapstick, called Man Balm, from my mom this year, after he used my chapstick on our way to an outing. He came out of the bathroom and said, “My lips are all shiny! Why are they shiny?”


“When boys have to pee and poo, do they stand to pee, and then sit down? Or, do they sit the whole time? When [man friend] went to the bathroom this morning, I thought of that.”


“When you guys were standing behind me, talking, I kept farting.”


Friend A: I don’t think I’ll have sex ever again.

Friend B: What?! But you have a new vagina!*

*Friend A had a baby. Things were sewn up.


“That was good– it tastes like a secret!” -Friend, after taking a shot


“You look like Voldemort.” -Friend, responding to Snapchat filter


About last week’s Wake Up Call:

Me: What did you think?

Husband: It was good. Short and sweet.

Me: Yeah, I only post like six or seven each time.

Husband: Yeah, it’s the perfect amount to read while you take your morning shit. Eyes widen. That’s exactly it!


4 thoughts on “Wake Up Call #4

  1. They sit for all of it. I asked.

    You’re welcome.

    (I’m still glad the kids are back in school, though. You’ll never get me to feel sorry for you over that: you get paid to deal with the little bastards, whereas I was sorely misled on several points, and now I’m stuck with a teenager)


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