Happy Monday friends! Let’s kick this week’s ass!
Husband, to Sister’s man friend: So, do you pay attention to sports stuff?
Me: A man called me beautiful last night.
Friend: Yeah, he was super creepy. And he was married!
Husband: So what did you say?
Me: I told him I was also married. Then I flipped him the Ring Bird.*
Husband: Did you make that up?
Me: Yes! Just right now! Isn’t it clever?!
*Like flipping someone off, but with your ring finger.
Sister: That man was rubbing your nipples, Danny. How did it feel?
Friend: Well, he also kissed my shoulder… It was nice.
“And then I thought to myself, ‘Oh no! I puked on the toilet paper roll! [Roommate] is going to kill me.”
“I made a bad decision. And he won’t stop talking.”
And to wrap it up short story from a friend’s mother:
“So, what is the protocol for this: I was at a party where I did not know many people, and one of the strangers approached me. And it appeared he had peed his pants.
It was like, if you had spilled a drink there, you would spill another, so it wouldn’t look that way.
And what made it worse was that I was sitting on the couch, and he was standing.
It was a tiny shock, the man peeing himself.”