Wake Up Call #6

Happy Monday friends! Let’s kick this week’s ass!

minion

 

Husband, to Sister’s man friend: So, do you pay attention to sports stuff?


 

Me: A man called me beautiful last night.

Friend: Yeah, he was super creepy. And he was married!

Husband: So what did you say?

Me: I told him I was also married. Then I flipped him the Ring Bird.*

Husband: Did you make that up?

Me: Yes! Just right now! Isn’t it clever?!

 

*Like flipping someone off, but with your ring finger.


 

Sister: That man was rubbing your nipples, Danny. How did it feel?

Friend: Well, he also kissed my shoulder… It was nice.


 

“And then I thought to myself, ‘Oh no! I puked on the toilet paper roll! [Roommate] is going to kill me.”


 

“I made a bad decision. And he won’t stop talking.”


 

And to wrap it up short story from a friend’s mother:

“So, what is the protocol for this: I was at a party where I did not know many people, and one of the strangers approached me. And it appeared he had peed his pants.

It was like, if you had spilled a drink there, you would spill another, so it wouldn’t look that way.

And what made it worse was that I was sitting on the couch, and he was standing.

It was a tiny shock, the man peeing himself.”

 

ron

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