Good morning! Happy Monday! Time to roll out of bed and read the Wake Up Call!
Sister: You know, it just seems like a lot of holes to jump through.
Mom: You mean hoops?
Sister: Yeah, whatever. English is hard.
“The human body is amazing. The skin over my cut is growing back already!”
Me: Come over here. I have to tell you something.
Husband: No. Did you fart?!
Husband warily creeps over.
Me: (whispers) My pee smells funny.*
*We had asparagus at dinner, and I ate A LOT of it. It was delicious! And Husband predicted that I would have funny smelling pee, so I obviously had to tell him about it when I did. It’s not weird…
“The doctor said that the most accurate baby thermometer is the rectal one, which I don’t have, so they were like, ‘Ok, we’ll show you how it works.’ And when they did it, she smiled! And I don’t think the doctor knew what to say when I said, ‘Well it looks like she likes butt stuff!'”
“Mmmm, I love faucet water.”
Friend’s baby drops toy to ground. Sister is holding Baby.
Sister: Drop your toy one more time.
Friend: She loves it. It’s a game.
Sister: Next time, I’ll drop you and see how you like it. (Looks over at me.) Do not write that on your blog! People will think something is wrong with me!
Text from Husband : On a 1-10 scale, how good was Lady Gaga?
Me: I very much enjoyed her. I’d say an 8. I wish she would have sang “Perfect Illusion” though. And for longer.
Husband: We all bet on what number you would guess.
Text from Husband’s friend: Tell Steve you changed your mind and give Gaga a 10.5. PLEAASE!!! I have money on it.
Me: I cannot lie about my ratings.
Friend: I’ll split it with you.
Me to Husband: Actually maybe a 10.5…
Husband: I bet 7.5. Did someone tell you to change that?!
Me: Just kidding. 😉 Sticking with 8. My true rating. Also, we’re on our way back.
Husband: Already? The game isn’t over yet.
Me: Yeah. I mean, halftime was over. But also [Baby] needs to go home and go to bed.
And that, my friends, is me and sports in a nutshell.
Do the thing this week!