Wake Up Call #14

Happy Monday! Did you watch the This is Us finale last week? This is how my friend Mel and I felt about it:

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But, almost a week later, we are recovering. Hopefully, you are too. Let’s do this– you, me, and this kitty!

kitty


So, my brother was over on Sunday, talking about how much of a shit show Saturday was, drinking from 9am until who knows when. And then all of a sudden [Toddler Son] turns and points to my brother and says “shi-sho,” and then kept saying it over and over: Shi-Sho! Shi-Sho! When we pointed to my brother and asked [Toddler Son] “Who is that ?” he would say, “Shi-Sho!”

 


Husband, to our dog: You are ebony. And I am ivory.*

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*Does anyone remember what we were doing the day this happened?? Why can’t I remember?


Passing a beer around, in an attempt to quickly finish it.

Sister’s Boyfriend: I don’t know know how I feel about this. I don’t know where your mouths have been.

Me: Well, no one has licked any buttholes…

 


“Kids used to eat lunch in the band room at my high school. (Not like everyone, like, band kids.) And one time, the band director’s kid got caught getting a blow job from his girlfriend in the office. By his dad.”

 


Husband’s friend: Your wife is weird.

Husband: Looks at me. Yes. She is.

(I don’t recall what I was doing to warrant this comment, but it was probably valid.)

 


Friend 1: [Friend 2], you’re going to dress like that woman in the sweatsuit [in the bar] in ten years.

Friend 2: Eat a dick.

 


“I went to a bachelorette party, and we were doing a Paint Nite. The painting was originally supposed to be a flower, but I made it a clit. I mean, why not, right?”

 


 

And ICYMI, I cut my hairs, so I’m pretty much ready to take on the world. You can too!

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