It’s Monday. But I’m not letting the Mondays get the best of me this week, and neither should you!
Me: You vowed to share your life with me. That includes your pancakes.
Husband: Why do you want my pannies?
Friend: So, I’m standing at the urinal and the guy next to me sighs, and he’s like, “Man, my boss…” So I said, “What about him?” And the guy was like, “For the last ten years I’ve had the first Monday of March off. And now I got a new boss, and he’s making me come in. I was expecting to get drunk today.”
Me: Tomorrow is March 20th…
Friend: I know! I’m pretty sure he was drunk anyway.
Friend: Do you want me to grab you a beer?
Me: Yes, thanks. Bring me a piece of cheese too!
Friend’s sister: That’s like the third time I’ve heard you talk about getting cheese.
Me: I know; I have a problem.
Friend’s sister: I don’t know if I’d call it a problem, but maybe you should just get a plate.
As my dad is reading my latest blog post:
Me: Dad hasn’t laughed at all…
Sister: Well, I don’t know, but he’s breathing really loud.
Me: Let’s do some kissing.
Husband: Oh come on babe, that’s weak.
Me: Kissing me is never weak.
“He was driving like 100 miles per hour down the expressway, and I was praying in the back seat, saying, ‘I’m sorry for all the bad things I’ve done. Please don’t let me die.’ Then he pulled over so [friend] could puke on the side of the road.”
Me, to Husband’s friend: Albus is ten times more important than you!
I’ll leave you to tackle Monday with this awesome reminder that my sister tagged me in last week. Stay weird, everyone.