Wake Up Call #19

Back to work for me this morning. I had a lovely  break, and the good news is…

break

Photo credit to a wonderful colleague of mine. 🙂

Here we goooooo!!!!

– – –

Me: Nellie growls when she wants attention.

Friend 1: Yeah, me too.

Friend 2: Yeah, [Friend 1] just sits in his room and growls, so I’ll pop my head in: “Hey man, you ok? Heard you growling.”


 He has this weird obsession with boobs and butts, so I call him Nipple Boy. And I’m Boobie Mommy.

-Friend, about son


My church has little, like shot glasses for the wine, and my brother-in-law called me out one day because I tapped the glass down before I drank it.

-“Sober Friend” (He gave up booze for Lent)


So, I was talking to this girl who was really short– like under five feet– and I kept getting on my knees so I could hear her. [He is 6’8”.]

The next morning I woke up, and I was like, “Ugh, why am I me?”

-“Sober Friend” (He wasn’t sober in that story.)


Me: This music sounds like a porno.

Friend 1: What kind of porn do you watch?!

Friend 2: Romantic ones!


“I’ve been thinking of really mean things to do to people. The other day I said, ‘I’ll stick six pointy pencils up her butt.'”


[Daughter] was being a turd in the mall, and I threatened to feed her to the Easter Bunny… Does that make me a bad mom, or a creative one?

When she told Grandma on me, my mom said, “Don’t worry, there’s a man inside.”

I looked at [Daughter] and said, “See, the Easter Bunny eats adults, too. You would be a snack.”

– – –

Luckily, the Easter Bunny is now gone for a year, no need to worry about being eaten… Until next spring, at least.

giphy (1)

Have a great week!

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7 thoughts on “Wake Up Call #19

  1. Pingback: The Return! | The Married Cat Lady

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