Wake Up Call #26

Tomorrow is the 4th of July! Summer is seriously flying by! I’m doing a little early celebrating with my girlfriends today– yay!– and more celebrating tomorrow, so I’m over here, like


giphy (10)

And also,

giphy (12)

So basically,

giphy (11)

Enjoy the holiday, friends, and be safe!!

– – –

Me: Just an FYI guys, I’m running low on wake up call material. I’m gonna need your best work this weekend.

Friend 1: I promise you will have PLENTY of material after this one.

Friend 2: Blackout. Got it.*

*Please drink responsibly.



So we’re in the customs line to get into the country, and [Friend] is behind me, asking me what paperwork he needs to take out. I turned around to tell him, and the customs woman said, “No. You look at me.” I was terrified of her, so I literally would not look away from her face, and [Friend] kept asking me questions, but I wouldn’t turn around. It was probably the scariest moment of my life.

-Friend going through customs in Russia



I bought one of those Russian hats with the ear flaps from a homeless man. [Friend] bought one in a store, but mine was more authentic [and gross]. We were on a bus tour, and we tried to wear our hats off the bus, but the driver stopped us from getting off and was like, “No. You American. Bang-bang.”

-(Same) Friend, in Russia*

*Russia is a scary place.



Me: Was she [Friend’s friend’s blind date] cute?

Friend: Well, I mean, she wasn’t bad looking, but she was wearing, like, Bermuda jorts. On a date.



Friend: So [Daughter] really reminded me of you just a few minutes ago… I looked over, and she was dancing to nothing, but there must have been a song playing in her head. Then she took a minute, farted, looked up at me, smiled a creepy smile, and then went back to dancing to nothing!!

Me: Bahahahaha I’m so proud of her!!



Friend: Loved the post from today… I can totally picture a small you falling off her bike and walking it home. Haha I can actually picture you right now falling off a bike. [Laughing emojiis]*

*I am clearly the most graceful human being to walk ride the planet.



Stranger: Oh, we’re on the struggle bus today.

Father-in-Law: The what?

Stranger: The struggle bus! I’m hungover!

FIL: Oh, I’ve never heard of that, but I’ve been on it a time or two!

Stranger: Yeah, I’m on it once or twice a week!

FIL: Well, I fired the bus driver!

Stranger: Ha! Until you realize you ARE the bus driver!

– – –

Remember, you are the bus driver!

giphy (9)



4 thoughts on “Wake Up Call #26

Thoughts? Do tell!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s