Wake Up Call #29

It’s Monday again, and another week of summertime is gone, but it’s ok because I’m still on vacation!!

mon vacation

And although I’m v busy vacationing, I still have your Monday morning wake up call!! Cheers!

– – –

*Driving through the mall parking lot.*

Husband: Let’s go to Old Navy. Do you know where it is?

Me: I think it might be by Sears.

Husband: I have a feeling you’re right.

*We park at by Sears.*

*Walking through mall.*

Me: Ugh, it’s not over here. It’s Forever 21.

Husband: I had a feeling you were wrong.

Me: You literally said the opposite in the car!

 


 

Hungover Friend: Ugh, I really should not have drunk those beers. My stomach hates me right now.

Friend: Drink some Sprite.

Hungover Friend: No man, that reminds me of vodka-sprite. Although that’s what I should have been drinking. I only had one and then started drinking Bud Light. *Shakes his head.*

Me: No, I saw you drink a couple. Remember, I tasted one of them.

Friend: And I made you at least two drinks.

Hungover Friend: Ughhh… *puts head in his hands.*

 


 

Friend: We were driving back [to California] from Tijuana, and the line to get back into the country was so long, and I had to work that night and couldn’t wait. So, I got out of the car and walked to the global entry point and went through. Then I called an Uber.

Me: Wait– from the border?

Friend: Yes.

Me: You got an Uber from the border?

Friend: Mhmm. More than once.

 


 

Friend 1: Talking about butt stuff is funny. Even just saying it– butt stuff!!

Friend 2: Yeah! It’s like tickling someone’s butthole. Like with a feather!

 


 

I just saw a man changing in the parking garage. Underpants.*

-Sister

*To clarify, he wasn’t changing his underpants, he was in his underpants, changing his regular pants. I mean, still weird, but in a slightly less creepy way.

 


 

Me: Remember when we took shots of whiskey and tried to chase them with ice cream? And then both had to run to the bathroom to throw up?*

Friend: Hahahaha all while pantsless. I mean we are phenomenal women.

Me: So true.

*Don’t judge us. We were in college and desperate.

 


 

Friend walks into house, singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”*

Friend: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so you better be good for goodness sake!” *Holds up plastic bag with four different beers in it.* I brought gifts!

*It was July.**

**I do not condone early Christmas-ness. It’s not appropriate until after Thanksgiving. Just want to put that out there…

Merry July to all, and to all a good week!***

***Sorry for all the asterisks. 

 

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