It’s Monday again, and another week of summertime is gone, but it’s ok because I’m still on vacation!!
And although I’m v busy vacationing, I still have your Monday morning wake up call!! Cheers!
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*Driving through the mall parking lot.*
Husband: Let’s go to Old Navy. Do you know where it is?
Me: I think it might be by Sears.
Husband: I have a feeling you’re right.
*We park at by Sears.*
*Walking through mall.*
Me: Ugh, it’s not over here. It’s Forever 21.
Husband: I had a feeling you were wrong.
Me: You literally said the opposite in the car!
Hungover Friend: Ugh, I really should not have drunk those beers. My stomach hates me right now.
Friend: Drink some Sprite.
Hungover Friend: No man, that reminds me of vodka-sprite. Although that’s what I should have been drinking. I only had one and then started drinking Bud Light. *Shakes his head.*
Me: No, I saw you drink a couple. Remember, I tasted one of them.
Friend: And I made you at least two drinks.
Hungover Friend: Ughhh… *puts head in his hands.*
Friend: We were driving back [to California] from Tijuana, and the line to get back into the country was so long, and I had to work that night and couldn’t wait. So, I got out of the car and walked to the global entry point and went through. Then I called an Uber.
Me: Wait– from the border?
Me: You got an Uber from the border?
Friend: Mhmm. More than once.
Friend 1: Talking about butt stuff is funny. Even just saying it– butt stuff!!
Friend 2: Yeah! It’s like tickling someone’s butthole. Like with a feather!
I just saw a man changing in the parking garage. Underpants.*
*To clarify, he wasn’t changing his underpants, he was in his underpants, changing his regular pants. I mean, still weird, but in a slightly less creepy way.
Me: Remember when we took shots of whiskey and tried to chase them with ice cream? And then both had to run to the bathroom to throw up?*
Friend: Hahahaha all while pantsless. I mean we are phenomenal women.
Me: So true.
*Don’t judge us. We were in college and desperate.
Friend walks into house, singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”*
Friend: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so you better be good for goodness sake!” *Holds up plastic bag with four different beers in it.* I brought gifts!
*It was July.****I do not condone early Christmas-ness. It’s not appropriate until after Thanksgiving. Just want to put that out there…
Merry July to all, and to all a good week!***
***Sorry for all the asterisks.