Wake Up Call #30

Good morning sleepyheads! We are home from our fabulous vacation! It was filled with sightseeing, eating, drinking, family, and laughter and love!

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As much fun as we had on our vacay, I have to say that I am happy to be home. I missed my fur babies A LOT. And I’m ready to get back into the swing of everyday life/ not eat and drink until I’m ready to burst everyday.

So, let’s get crackin’ shall we?

– – –

Husband went to get a haircut, and asked the guy to thread his eyebrows. The last time he did this, he got a surprise nose waxing.

I didn’t want to ask him to do my nose, but I wouldn’t stop him. So, I’m just watching the TV, and I feel it again–the hotness– but it was in MY EAR!

He stuck one in each ear and each nostril, so I’m sitting there with four Q-tips sticking out of my head. I really wanted to take a picture, but that would’ve been too embarrassing.

 


 

Sister-in-law: I was fine on the airplane, but as soon as I got off, I just looked around and had nowhere to go, so I threw up on the tarmac getting off the plane. Within thirty seconds of being in this country, I threw up.

 


 

Husband: In my other head, I– *stops, shakes his head* What did I just say?

 


 

Husband: Would you rather eat a spoonful of my finger- and toenails, or a spoonful of my chest hair.

Me: Hmmm… The nails I guess.

Husband: Ew! Why? They’d be sharp.

Me: I’d swallow them like pills. The hair would get stuck in my throat!

 


 

Sister (the morning after a bar crawl): There will only be 364 days this year.

I look at her, confused.

Sister: Because that one is gone for me.

 


 

Me: My burrito was supposed to have guacamole, and it didn’t.

Husband: It’s one of the biggest crises white women face these days.

Me: It’s a big problem.

 


 

Father-in-law: Yeah, I saw that episode [of Game of Thrones] with the– what are those big bird-things with wings?

Me: Dragons?!

Father-in-law: Yeah, saw that one.

– – –

Go be a dragon this week!

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