I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend! I had brunch and bottomless mimosas on Saturday with my pal Briana:
And yesterday we had our fantasy draft for our girlfriends fantasy football league, Breast League Ever. My team name is Football, Meow (obv). We realized that we’re mostly good at making/ eating snacks. I made Pigskin in a blanket– look how cute it was!
I’m so sporty.
Anyways, here’s your wake up call!!
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Friend: Omg I forgot to tell you I made friends on the train yesterday. Like, a couple in their 60’s/ 70’s, and we exchanged numbers. They called me when I got home and sent pictures of their drums. I told them I’ve always wanted to be a drummer.
Me: Stop, I love it. Maybe they can give you lessons.
Friend: They offered!
Friend: What are you smiling at?
Sister: The world.
Friend: I was telling my friend that I’m boyfriend/ girlfriend with this girl–
Me: Seriously?! How old are you?!
Friend A: I was going out for the night. I was probably like 16. I was wearing a body suit and push up bra, and my dad said, “You look like a whore.” So I responded with, “I don’t do my work for money. I do it for pleasure.”
Friend B: Oh my God, did he let you out?!
Friend A: Hell no!
Me: I would love to have a penis for a day.
Friend A: That needs to go on the blog.
Me: Don’t you want to know what a man’s orgasm feels like?
Friend B: Sometimes your balls flop over each other.
Me: They’re odd.
Friend: I feel like they’re lizard people. Or they have mice.
Sister: Jessica Simpson was a star, I don’t care what anyone says.
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Go out and be a star, people.