Wake Up Call #36

Hey y’all!

Is it me, or did Monday really creep up on us this week? Such sly minx.

I hope you all had a magical weekend. Are you ready to tackle this week?!

– – –

Me: My dad has really small nipples.

Friend: Yeah, I’ve seen your dad’s nipples.



Mom: Do you remember what we discovered in Mexico?

Sister: No…

Mom: That Dad and Grandpa have the same size nipples!

Sister: Oh yeah!!!!

(I know, it seems weird that there was so much talk about my dad’s nipples. But, they really are small; they’re the size of dimes! (We measured once.) I was comparing a spider I saw to the size of nipples, and my dad asked whose nipples, and it all got weird(er) from there.)



Friend: We’re going to the Notre Dame game tomorrow with our couple friends.

Friend’s friend: Why, did they go there?

Friend: No.

FF: So.. did they just watch Rudy a lot growing up?



Me: I farted earlier, but I rolled down the window, so you wouldn’t smell it. You’re welcome.

Friend: Oh my God! That must have been right after me! I farted, and then you rolled down your window, and I thought you smelled it! I was so embarrassed!



Friend: I had a patient named Imagine.

Me: That’s… interesting.

Friend: No, it gets better. It was spelled A-m-a-g-i-n.

Me: Oh, nooooo!



I farted in yoga the other day, and I thought of you.



Friend: When I was not cool in 8th grade, I pecked a girl on the lips, and then ran away. Like physically ran away. Then everyone was making fun of me, so I said my mom was calling, and I had to leave… I didn’t even get her on the lips. It was a little to the left. I was scared.

– – –

Don’t be scared this week, my friends– be a shark!

giphy (4)

Ok, but maybe not like this. Just, like, metaphorically. (Source)

Wake Up Call 3


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