Bug Juice, it doesn’t come in a jar…

“Bug juice comes from who you are!”

Ugh, anyone else remember the show Bug Juice?! I’m pretty sure I still have it recorded on a VHS in my parents’ attic somewhere.

bug juice

I had such a crush on Bryan. And, I wanted to be Eve (obv, she was dating Bryan). But Eve was sent home, and they didn’t tell us why!! I always thought she must have been smoking or something. Does anybody know?! (Image via Pinterest)

Sadly, today’s post is not about Bug Juice— although if you know why Eve left camp, please let me know because thirteen year-old Becca is still alive and well in my heart, and she is dying to know.

Ok, let’s get to business… I want to talk about bugs.

Why are they everywhere?!

Today’s post was actually inspired by Christine’s arachnid foe named Derek. After reading about Derek, I left the following comment:

bug comment

I’m sure none of this comes as a surprise. I’ve discussed my fear of small creatures with too many legs before.

However, there have been A LOT of bugs in my life lately. Mostly spiders.

A couple weeks ago, I had this conversation with my friend Mary:

(WARNING! Big, gross spider ahead!!)

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(I literally had to cover the screen when I was looking through these screenshots for this post. That guy is fucking scary.)

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Gross. But, at least he wasn’t at my house.

Then, a little over a week ago, I discovered two– let me repeat that, TWO– giant ass spiders living on my home.

One was in the back yard, living on the garage. He ran away every time Husband tried to kill him, then disappeared completely. (Which, really, is worse than knowing where he is.)

The second one had made his home stretching along the gutter at the front of my house.

Once again, Mary and I had conversation about our fear of spiders.

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2017-09-13 22.15.282017-09-12 20.07.01

That was Thursday morning. Then:

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Husband killed spider #2 Friday morning. He used a brick.

Twelve hours later, I met the spider mentioned in my comment to Christine, above.

Here’s how I handled that one.

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That’s what I get for trying to keep my floors clean, I guess.

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(In case you’re wondering, the spider did not come out. I think I did kill him. I sprayed A LOT of Raid.)

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The following day, we went to a football game. My husband and I, and our friends were casually hanging out, having a couple beverages prior to the start of the game.

I was obliviously gabbing away– Husband’s words– when Husband leaned forward to grab something off of my sweater.

Oh, what was it, you ask? I’ll give you one guess.

Yep. A SPIDER. A spider had been crawling along my shoulder, and I’d had no idea!!!

*Shudders*

Husband allowed the spider to crawl along his hand for the next few seconds, until I jumped out of my chair and ran away.

giphy (5)

Exact reenactment of that moment. (Source)

And then, when I was leaving for work yesterday morning, I noticed a glimmer out of the corner of my eye. I hovered just inside the door and craned my neck around its edge to confirm what I already suspected: it was a spider web.

It was raining, so I opened my umbrella and stuck it out (to break into the spider web before me); I looked to my right and the web was still in tact. I cautiously stepped out and locked the door, then gave the house a wide berth as I walked forward a bit. Then I saw him.

bug 3

I just want to note that it was not easy taking that photo. I was juggling an umbrella, my work bag, my lunch, my coffee, and my phone! That takes real skill, friends.

(Husband did not murder Giant Spider. When I got home from work, he was still there. I came in an alternate door to avoid him. At the time of publication, Giant Spider is alive.)

Here’s my point guys: why are the spiders following me?! How do I make it stop?!

Husband is always saying to me (usually as I meekly ask him to smoosh an eight-legged beast), “Why do you go out of your way to look for them?”

Because they are constantly following me, that’s why!!

Alas, this has been a lifelong struggle (just ask my dad).

One night when I was in high school, I was snug as a bug in my bed, trying to go to sleep, but I kept feeling something tickle my leg under the covers.

Of course, I immediately thought it was a spider, but I talked myself out of it– I was overreacting. I kicked my legs to rid the tickle.

However, the tickle persisted, so I finally got out of bed, turned the light on, and whipped the covers back.

Guess what? IT WAS A SPIDER!!!!

For the next year, I kid you not, I checked under my blankets for spiders before I got into bed.

And my husband wonders why I’m always on the lookout…

SOS. I have to go to work now, and Mr. Giant Spider is still living outside my door.

Are you afraid of spiders? Tell me I’m not alone!!

Bug juice

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28 thoughts on “Bug Juice, it doesn’t come in a jar…

  1. My favorite part about this post is how often you text your friends about spiders and how lengthy the conversation goes. I’m jealous. I need new friends. Also, you made me die laughing, because all of these ‘massive’ spiders – I couldn’t find ANY of them in the photos hahaha 😀

    Liked by 3 people

    • THEY WERE HUGE! My photos did not do those assholes justice. If you ever need to talk about spiders, let me know. You’ll appreciate this, too: I’ve tried to make my kitty eat them if my husband is sleeping when I find them, but lately, he just swats at them for a minute and then walks away, leaving me to my own spider-killing devices.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG I can be useful!

    I do know how you can stop the spiders from coming in your home! You need conkers…although someone here in Canada told me that acorns work too. For some reason spiders hate them. My sister used to leave a few in each room in her house…and the spideys won’t come in.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve been slowly developing arachnophobia the longer I live here. We still haven’t taken care of Derek and the other day we were eating dinner in our bedroom and noticed a spider crawling across the bed. My husband kept trying to smoosh him with his plate but all it did was get spaghetti sauce on my quilt. So there’s another Derek in here. Yeesh.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Noooooo! Fucking, Derek and his friend. But seriously, a plate on a bed?! Doesn’t sound like the best spider-murder tool. Although, my bed would have ended up with spaghetti sauce on it too, but only because I would have jumped up and ran away!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. OMG your arachnophobia is too much, girl! hahaha. We live in a very spider-infested area, so the chances of you encountering a bug in your home is heightened exponentially. You’ll be fine — put your big girl pants on & kill these bastards yourself. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’ve got to stop thinking about spiders, Becca. It’s your only chance to stop attracting them. It is the law of attraction at work here. What you think about you, you manifest. I know because I thought about snakes this summer and within an hour I saw one! Ewwwww!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A mutant spider has made a website outside my kitchen window. It’s too high to reach from outside of the house, and I sure as shit ain’t opening the window to try to get to him and risk him coming into the house. No. I say “mutant” spider because, not only is his body the size of my thumbnail (!!!!), but one of his back legs is all shriveled up and stunted. Maybe that means he has a disability and I should feel sorry for him? Do think his mother told him he’s just “differently abled?” Now I feel bad for hating him so much. Wait. No. I don’t. He’s still a fucking spider. Fucker. Please send your husband over to kill him right away.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Fuck spiders! A couple weeks ago, I came out of the bathroom to lie down in bed and just as I got in, I spotted something out of the corner of my eye on the wall directly beside the bed — a big ass spider. I screamed so loud.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Pingback: When Spiders Attack – Dorky Mom Doodles

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