Good morning, everyone!
Guess what I did this weekend? Bought a new car! Yay! I’m v excited to have air conditioning and park in my driveway.
Let’s drive right in, shall we? (Hehe, get it?)
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Me: Did I dream that you told me you liked Times New Roman better than Calibri font? Or did that really happen?
Sister: No… that didn’t happen.
Me: Is it weird that I thought it did?
Me: I have strong feelings about Times New Roman font.
Sister: His name on Facebook is Christopurr.
Me: Do you want to be best friends?
Christopurr: Yeah, sure.
Christopurr‘s friend: He only posts cat videos.
Me: Ok, it’s decided. We’re bffs.
Aunt: The guy next to me on the train is scratching his balls. He’s very thorough.
Sister: Oh, ew. Maybe there’s something wrong with them.
Friend: My night just keeps getting better. [Child] was staring at the tub filling up for her bath, and all of a sudden I heard something, so I looked down and she was staring at herself peeing! She peed right on the bathmat in front of the tub and then started laughing. The water sound from the tub must have made her have to go to the bathroom.
Me: OMG. I love that she laughs when she does something weird.
Friend: It makes things super awkward.
Me: But never dull!
Stranger: You’re a hardo.
Me (to sister): What’s a hardo?
Sister: A hard ass.
Me (to stranger): Yeah, I am! (to Sister) Is a hard ass like a badass?
Husband: You didn’t put that funny thing I said on the Wake Up Call.
Me: Which one?
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