Happy Monday my friends! It’s finally starting to feel like fall over here!
I hope you had a glorious, relaxing weekend.
I did… until right now as I write this… there is a squirrel making weird noises in the tree outside my window… and he’s staring at me. Oh no…
Let’s hope no squirrels start your week off weird!
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Friend 1: I found my ex-boyfriend on Facebook!
Friend 2: Is he still in a music… position?
Friend 1: In a band, you mean? I don’t know, but he’s definitely making video game videos on YouTube. And he posted a really long rant about abortion.
Friend 2: Dodged a bullet.
“I got distracted by the shart!”
“My friend is pretty bald, and he realized that he needed to propose to his girlfriend before he was totally bald– you know, so she’d still marry him. When he got down on one knee to propose, he held the ring out with one hand, and covered the top of his head with the other.”
Boy: Saturdays are for the boys!
Girl: No, Saturdays are for the boobs!!
Boy: Yeah, can’t argue with that…
(I should specify that they were adults, not children.)
“Whenever my husband and I play trivia, our team name is ‘Toy Story 2 was an OK movie.'”
Friend 1: Dude, what happened? When did your dog get so fat?!
Friend 2: Hey. That’s pretty rude.
Husband: When are you guys officially moving in [to your new house]?
Friend 1(husband): Well, we got the U Haul for Sunday, so any day after that…
Husband: So… Sunday?
Friend 2(wife): [Husband], you can’t keep it as long as you want! You only get the one day!
– – –
FYI Squirrel is still there. He’s making a different noise now, and he looks like he’s lying down for a snooze. Send help.